Guidelines for Effective Communication
Effective communication is not a gift, but a skill that can be learned and practiced. Following these guides to “clean communication” may not come naturally, but can lead to more effective spouse/partner support.
Label the behavior, not the behaver. “You must want me to fail” is very different from “That makes it harder for me to succeed.” A problem with the other person’s behavior does not mean that the other person is the problem. Words such as “selfish” and “jealous,” or “failure” and “weak-willed,” attack the other person, although they are, perhaps, only your hasty inferences about the other person’s behavior. They serve no constructive purpose and may escalate conflict. Similarly, negative comparisons do not resolve issues; they just punish and attack.